Unleash Your Greatness: Overcome the Fear of Being ‘Too Much’ And ‘Never Enough’

Why Do We Play Small?

Why do so many of us feel compelled to play small, dimming our light so we "fit in" and avoid being a threat to anyone's comfort? I know it comes from an unconscious need to survive the human experience of not belonging and of feeling on our own. We do everything we can to ensure that we keep people’s love and our place in the world.

The worst part? We don’t even realize we’re doing it. It’s just the way life is. We don’t realize that we are creating our worlds based on what we focus on and the language we use; instead, we think we’re simply describing “what’s so.” Like a fish doesn’t know what “water” is because it’s inseparable from its existence, we don’t realize the same is true for us. Our thoughts, our perceptions—they're the water we swim in. We've forgotten that we are separate from our thoughts and feelings and that we can choose. This forgetting is only reinforced when others forget they, too, have a choice.

We tell ourselves we’re just being relatable.

The Cost of Playing Small

We don’t realize what this costs us—and others! It costs us the chance to live authentically, realize our potential, and step into our purpose. It costs us joy, fulfillment, and peace. It costs us the gift of sharing our unique greatness with the world. Who is losing out because you won’t let yourself “win”?

Since the world’s default conversation often centers around what is wrong and our struggles, we unconsciously fall into the habit of putting a lid on ourselves and what’s possible. Don’t be “too much,” we say to ourselves, but at the same time, we feel “not good enough.”

How do we reconcile both experiences?

It creates a constant push and pull. We want to achieve more, but we also hear that inner voice telling us, “Stay in your own lane,” or “Who do you think you are?” Stepping out of our comfort zones feels like too much work, or worse, too lonely. It’s the in-between period, where stepping into a new life will cost us our old one, yet the new people and experiences aren’t here yet.

It’s like jumping out of the water, floundering a bit before we finally wiggle our way into a new existence. Or, even more powerfully, instead of searching for a new, unconscious existence, we adapt and grow legs. We realize we can walk away from the “water” we didn’t know was holding us back and into the life we choose.

Recognizing Our Power

So, what do we do once we finally see it? Once we recognize that we are separate from our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs? My clients often ask, What can I do to fix this? How do I fix me?

To that, I answer, What if nothing is actually wrong?

What if your sense of brokenness or “not good enoughness” isn’t the truth about you? What if it’s just a thought you had one day that you happened to believe, and then your mind began gathering evidence to make it true? It’s easy to start seeing the world through a lens of “not good enough” and slowly lose sight of who you are.

But in the simplicity of realizing this “not good enough” story is just a thought, there is nothing to do but to, as Elsa says, “Let it go.” Just sit with the nothingness and possibility that now exists.

What the heck do I do? you might wonder. Where should I focus if not on earning my place in the world and in people’s hearts?

Taking Action: Creating Your Own Path

Now that anything is possible, you get to take 100% responsibility for your life! It might sound big, maybe even scary, but it starts with just one step: getting clear about what you truly want.

So often, when I ask people what they want, they start by listing everything they don’t want. We rarely spend time thinking about what we truly desire. And until we’re aware of what was holding us back, we couldn’t even imagine what else might be possible.

Allow yourself to dream again. Start exploring like you did when you were a kid and anything seemed possible. Before life "lifed" you, piling on experiences, hurts, and limitations.

What if you took the lid off and let out the greatness within?
What if you focused on being someone you like, rather than someone others like?
What if, instead of being pleasing and relatable, you became authentic and powerful?
What if there were no limits?

It may feel overwhelming and even intimidating, but now you finally know where to focus. You put your energy into ACTION. A vision without a plan and a commitment to that plan is just a wish. Nothing in this world exists without action to make it so. But you don’t need to take on all the actions at once. Be intentional and focus on the right next step.

Stay present with where you are today; thinking too far ahead can create anxiety. Trust that each step brings you closer to who you want to be. And remember, failing is just another part of moving forward. Each “failed attempt” teaches you something new, guiding you closer to what will work and who you are committed to becoming.

Love yourself, support yourself, and give yourself grace as you unbecome and grow into who you were meant to be in the first place. Celebrate every step forward, backwards and sideways along the way! 

Become your biggest cheerleader, knowing that as you go after your big dreams, you are enough for now.

In your newfound “enoughness,” there is nothing to do, nothing to prove. Being “on your own” becomes, “I have my own back.” And you’ll start to see that none of us are meant to do it alone. When you are brave and allow it, you will see all the people who are actually here for us.

You have returned home to yourself where you belong to you. And in that belonging, you know, deeply, that you belong—period.